The Fear of Success
I sent out a Twitter update saying that I was stumped and needed some new, fresh blog ideas. Ian Douglas, one of our engineers here at the Rubicon Project responded with an idea (thanks Ian!)
Here is what he wrote:
"Fear of failure can often paralyze a company, but sometimes so can 'fear of success'. I don't imagine that's ever slowed you down, but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on it. "
Ian brings up a point that over the last few years I've learned is a very real issue. At 31, I've been incredibly fortunate to have had a lot of wins at a young age. Certain things are easier with past success (e.g. confidence, attracting investors, recruiting, etc.) However, the expectations are also higher resulting in an intense pressure to perform.
In my twenties, I built a site that ranked #7 in terms of Internet popularity, was an officer of a public company, had raised millions of dollars from top tier VC firms, spoke at top industry conferences, and hired hundreds of employees all over the world (most of whom, by the way, were older than me.)
I never thought twice about any of it. I followed my instincts and my gut. That's what drove me. There was very little to no second guessing. I just did what I believed had to be done.
A few years ago, I lost that ability; the ability to just trust my instincts. I applied logic and common sense to every decision. Guess what? It didn't work as well. I made more mistakes by over-thinking things than I did when I was following my gut feeling. Fortunately, I recognized this behavior and worked hard to get back to trusting my instincts. This was hard to do.
The problem is similar to the difference between children and adults. Children run around with little fear. Adults are more cautious. The reason I changed my behavior is because I was a victim of my own success. With success came expectations. Before, when I was the "young kid in the room" I could make mistakes because it was expected, I could say the wrong thing and it was OK and if I did anything great or impressive it was a surprise. All of a sudden, there was this inherent pressure to perform. I was no longer the "young kid" in the room that got lucky a couple of times. I became the "experienced entrepreneur" that people actually expected something from. People expected results. They expected me to say something smart. They expected the right answers. These expectations clouded my ability to simply trust my gut and I felt that I needed to have more logical support for my decisions. It slowed me down.
Before starting the Rubicon Project, I was fully aware of this newfound deficiency (pressure to perform.) So, this time around, I took a different attitude. I shoved all of the success aside and got back to basics. I've relearned to trust my instincts. I've learned it's OK to feel strongly about something without necessarily having a rationale explanation for it. I've learned that if you truly believe in something, you really can't go wrong - it may not be "right" but if it's not you'll learn why and that learning will bring you to the right place faster. I learned that sometimes I will say the wrong thing because it's impossible to be "right" all the time. And, I've learned that in the end, it's really just not worth stressing about anyway. We aren't saving lives, this is just a business. Ultimately, what I have grown to accept and be comfortable with is that it's all OK.
A note to my investors: Don't worry! I take the business seriously, but I don't stress about it. I believe that if you have the right team and they are cohesive and focused on the right goals, they will perform the best that they can. The right team wants to win and will do whatever it takes. The right team does not want to fail. When they make mistakes, you need to encourage them. It is very much like coaching basketball. No one wants to miss a shot. If they miss and you keep harping on their misses, they'll stress out and lose confidence. If they lose confidence, they'll wind up in a slump. People do not perform well under stress. Stress causes tension. Tension causes bad habits. Bad habits cause failure. To continue the basketball analogy, if you are tensed up sitting at the free throw line waiting to shoot, you're likely going to miss because the tension will screw up your shot. Staying loose, feeling confident and focused increases your chance of success. Fear of failure will cause losing behavior. Fear of success raises the bar for the definition of success (and failure as a result.) Especially in environments where the bar for success is high and the chance of failure is also high, you need to keep encouraging your team when there are misses. They'll regain their confidence, get back in their groove and keep scoring.
So, yes Ian, there is such a thing as "fear of success." And yes, I have fallen victim to it in the past (contrary to your confidence in me.) My best advice is to simply not take it so seriously. Just do the best you can, feel good about every decision you make by trusting your instincts and the rest will fall into place as it should. Chill out, relax, it's OK.
)
Terrific post!
"I lost that ability; the ability to just trust my instincts."
That is exactly what happened to me, and I suffered for it. I was going to mention that you have more to lose and then I noticed your mention to investors (note: Frank Rocks and Rubicon Team is Top Notch and impressing many here in SoCal) and was reminded that there is more to lose than in years past (or at least we buy into the "fear" that there is.
Thanks for the motivation. Moving forward!
Posted by
Michael Dorausch |
5:02 PM
Great post..thanks for writing it....
Posted by
Eric Willis |
7:03 PM
Think with your gut and don't stress out - great advice!
Posted by
Scott |
9:01 PM
This is great advice, especially for folks in the startup world.
The major advantages a small company has are a compelling point of view, laser focus, and C-level talent sweating the details.
Early adopters are ok with a small company that's directionally correct and responds quickly to feedback. Too-perfect execution will often close the doors on the learnings/opportunities that drive the eventual business of the company. Did you know that Rogaine started out as a medication for high blood pressure...that had an interesting side effect?
Posted by
Vijay Goel, M.D. |
2:57 PM
One of the benefits of being a serial entrepreneur is that the decision making process evolves with each venture.
During an entrepreneur's first or second company, many decisions are based on formulas or techniques that worked for other entrepreneurs. Later in an entrepreneur's career, after seeing first hand what works and what doesn't, decisions are based more on instincts and just "knowing" that a decision is right.
When you can't recall how you "know" that a decision is right, it's a sign that you aren't following others -- you're leading the way.
Posted by
Cliff Allen |
5:53 PM
Using this instinctual approach, how do you plan and set goals for the business?
Businesses run entirely on instinct with no planning are usually a mess. I know with Rubicon you spent months doing market research before founding the company.
How do you do it?
(great post, btw!)
Posted by
Adrian Bye |
2:49 PM
Brilliant words of wisdom. In studying a lot of motivational and "self-sabotage" literature, I've become attune to how negatively "fear of success" can play a role and venomously cripple any up-and-comer or evened the seasoned "success vets".
For me, personally, Fear of Success presents itself as the singlemost, most devastating limitation in my life. Using the example of running -- I ran competively in highschool, one a few medals, and even broke 5 minutes in the mile -- when you're in a race (parrallels can be drawn to business entrepreneurialism here too, obviously) and you realize you're out front of everybody, the instinctive reaction is "Oh wow, I'm in the lead! This is great!" And upon that realization numerous chemical reactions fire-off and mental processes kick in. "Oh wow, I'm in the lead!" or "Oh wow, I'm successful!" creates enormous change internally. On a mental level you can start to "defend" that state of success, wasting extra reserves. You can spiral out into a self-doubt questioning spiral with such inner dialogue as "How is this possible?! This has never happened before!". You're inner critic, additionally, can strike up and quickly try to "restabilize" you back down to your normal not-so-successful state. Success = change and a lot of people may fear any change, as well. In addition to the change fear, inner critic restabilizing, self-doubt questionaire, and mental panic of defending success, the expectations and the commentary on your success can be unbearable to some. What do you do when someone actual "looks up to you" and your success? What about when people ask how you acquired your success? Answering questions like that can reveal a whole tank of uncertainties and doubts: "Oh great, not only do I have to maintain success, but I have to figure out how to be a role model?!"
I repeatedly encountered all those forms of "fear of success" with running and many other endeavors, like we all do. However, one time in a race I dropped over 30 full seconds off my mile time. That was a great trick -- kind of short-circuiting your development pace and surprising yourself with what an accelerated leap you can make. Additionally I was able to create success that day because my mind was focued oddly enough, on surfing. My brain wasn't focused on running while running the race. I had talked about surfing with friends for 2 hours straight so I was envisioning surfing. When the mind focuses on the task at hand, sometimes it can generate tremendous focus, but with other certain events, too much mental focus can slow you down, weigh you down with burden and doubts. That day of my greatest success with running and unprecedented speediness my mind had just enough (lack) of focus on the actual event so there was no room for mental clutter of doubt and fear to settle in.
Ultimately, therefore, I think success is a matter of generating the awareness to know exactly how much brainpower and "focused thought" is necessary for success and then apply exactly that amount. Precision is key. Too much brainpower towards an endeavor (like starting a business, running a raise, doing a job interview, acting a lead role, designing the next killer app, etc.) will simply result in an accumulation of doubts and uncertainties and not enough brain power will, obviously, will cause you to falter due to not enough focus.
Utilizing the chemistry of mind, the whole idea of "precise doses" of mental focus as achievement for success fascinates me and offers a great source of guidance as well.
Posted by
Hook Mojanzi |
7:25 AM
Adrian -
Great question. I am a huge believer in setting goals and targets. I always work with the team to set measurable, achievable goals.
To me, instincts don't develop in a vacuum. First, to set the right goals you need to have the right information and data. That's the first step. Then, as you are working toward those goals, the decision that you need to make will be guided by the mindset of trying to achieve those goals, essentially "keeping your instincts in a box" or giving them boundaries. As you are achieving or missing those goals, your instincts can guide you to adjust accordingly.
Instincts without the guidance of goals can quickly lead to management chaos.
Posted by
Frank Addante |
12:56 PM
Frank, I agree with everything you say, however, one of the things that I've learned (in addition to the fact that I've been working more years than you've been alive!!! )
is that a certain amount of "edge" helps - too relaxed and you can fall on your face. When I first started consulting and giving presentations I was really tense - almost to the point of nausea -- that's way too tense so I tried to go to the opposite end of the spectrum - it was almost a devil may care attitude - not good - but a certain amount of "edge" keeps you sharp and the longer I play in this game I find the sharper I have to be
my best to you always
Bernice
Posted by
dmrsbtg@aol.com |
1:23 PM
Frank, thanks for the reply. This was a profoundly helpful post. I've made some improvements to my work processes as a result.
I owe you a nice cuba libre. :-)
Posted by
Adrian Bye |
5:56 PM
Awesome post and great encouraging words.
There have been plenty of times where I'm not sure I'm making the right decisions by trusting my gut instincts. But like you mentions if you care about it and believe in it, it will happen one way or another.
Posted by
Efren Toscano |
5:07 PM
Thanks for writing this post. It's very helpful to gain insight from someone who has fought through these personal challenges. Very interesting that going with your gut always seemed to produce the best result. I also like your perspective on work (we're not saving lives). I definitely take work too seriously and stress more than I should sometimes.
Posted by
John |
1:07 PM